I am an author, get me out of here!
by Matt10
Summary: I am Matt. I’m a Lord of the Rings fan fiction author from Buckinghamshire, England, Britain, Earth, the solar system, the Milky Way galaxy, the universe, space. And I just HAPPEN to be thrown into Middle Earth. Let the chaos begin! (Update) Chapter 11!
1. I get chucked into Middle Earth

Chapter 1  
  
"Oh, my head!" I Groaned.  
  
Who am I? I am Matt. I'm a Lord of the Rings fan fiction author from Buckinghamshire, England, Britain, Earth, the solar system, the Milky Way galaxy, the universe, Space.  
  
Ok, now you know who I am, on with the story!  
  
I tried to remember the events of the last few seconds. Ah, yes. I was sat in front of my laptop, starting to write a fan fic about how I go into Middle Earth and meet the Fellowship. Then a time portal just HAPPENED to open in my Bedroom and I just HAD to walk into it. Doh!  
  
And so, that is how I happened to be on the ground, being stared at by 4 Hobbits and a man. Of course I didn't know this, I was too busy trying to work out how I was going to get up with a laptop on my chest!  
  
"DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID LAPTOP!" I exploded.  
  
"Who are you, and what is this "laptop" you speak of?" The man drew a sword and put it to my throat.  
  
Oh, dear.  
  
***  
  
What do you think? Please Read & Review. 


	2. Of vanishing swords and begging rangers

Chapter 2  
  
"Excuse me, sir, could you please remove that sword from my neck?" I asked politely  
  
"Not until you answer my Questions!" Replied the ranger.  
  
"Ok, ok, no sweat, Strider!" I commented.  
  
The sword dug deeper into my neck "How do you know my name?"  
  
"Smooth move, Matt!" I told myself, before replying, "I read about you in this book, it's called "Lord of the Rings" and.."  
  
"Ok, ok, now could you answer my other questions?"  
  
"I'm Matt, son of...."  
  
"Son of who?"  
  
"Son of Sauron!" I said sarcastically.  
  
The sword dug back into my neck, "Ouch! I was joking!" I snapped.  
  
"Who are you then?"  
  
"I just told you, Matt"  
  
"Let's focus on the "Sauron" part for a moment. Who is your father if you were fooling?"  
  
"Erm..." I thought about it.  
  
"I'm afraid unless you can prove to me you are not a servant of the Dark lord, I will have to kill you." Strider threatened.  
  
"Well get that damn sword out of my neck, and I will!" I snapped.  
  
The ranger reluctantly removed his sword.  
  
"And help me with this darned Laptop will you!"  
  
The Hobbit with Sandy coloured hair came forward and helped me move the Laptop off my chest, before scurrying back to the group.  
  
"Thanks Sam!" I commented. Sam looked at me, even more scared than before.  
  
"Now, I am the author of this story, which is how I got here! But until I finish the story, I'm stuck here! You with me?"  
  
Strider and the Hobbits laughed.  
  
Offended, I said, "Fine! I'll prove it!"  
  
"How?" asked the ranger.  
  
I gave an evil grin and opened my laptop. I typed "Suddenly, Strider's sword disappeared!"  
  
Sure enough, the Strider's sword vanished. The hobbit's gawped and the ranger gasped.  
  
"Where is it?" He cried.  
  
"Do you believe me now? Say so, and I'll give it back!"  
  
"I believe you, I believe you! You're the author and not a servant of Sauron! Please, give me back my sword!" Pleaded Strider.  
  
I grinned "Feel the power!" I replied, and typed "Then, it reappeared by my feet." The sword appeared.  
  
In a flash I grabbed it and swished it about a bit. "Die, you stupid Orc!" I cried, chopping it into a tree.  
  
"Ahem!" Strider coughed.  
  
"Oh, erm, yeah, I was forgetting, it's yours isn't it?" I commented, handing the sword back.  
  
"Thank you, young one."  
  
***  
  
How was that? Please R&R! 


	3. The Hobbits discover Chocolate

Hello everyone! I'm back with more chaos in Middle Earth! First I'd like to thank my reviewers! You all get some chocolate from today's chapter!  
  
*types "chocolate appears in reviewer's houses"*  
  
Enjoy!  
  
sugahigh-blonde-elf/vamp:  
  
1. *Grin* well now you know some guys do!  
  
2. Slash?!?!? How dare you even suggest it!!!!!!!! LOL, no, I'm not putting slash in the story. I'm going to be true to Tolkien. There's going to be no slash, love, etc in this story. Maybe a few funny scenes, where the characters go a bit crazy, but no slash.  
  
Ok, now that's over, on with.  
  
***  
  
Chapter 3  
  
We sat in silence for a while (about 30 seconds to be exact), when I broke the silence.  
  
"Got any chocolate?"  
  
They looked at me.  
  
"We have no Chokeolate." Began Sam  
  
"No, no! Cho-co-late!"  
  
"None of that either. What's Cho-co-late?"  
  
"YOU'VE NEVER TRIED CHOCOLATE?!? Oh, my gosh, you just have to try some!" I cried, opening my laptop and typing "A family sized bar of galaxy chocolate appeared in front of me".  
  
The moment it appeared , I grabbed it and started breaking off bits for the company. The hobbits took their pieces and looked at them, holding them to their ears and sniffing them. Strider was more wary, he took his and just held it in the palm of his hand.  
  
"Eat it!" I cried, "Go on, it's delicious!" I added putting a bit into my mouth and chewing. The hobbits and strider looked at each other, shrugged and followed suit.  
  
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Sam mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate.  
  
"Have more!" I cried, breaking up the whole chocolate bar and looking at the looks of pure delight on the 4 hobbits faces. Even strider face brightened up after tasting this new food.  
  
***  
  
When the bar was finished, the hobbits and I all relaxed, while Strider got up and announced he was going to have a look round.  
  
"Yeah, well try and get back BEFORE the Black riders arrive will you?" I told him sarcastically (the 5 of them had filled me in about the ring, Rivendell, Sauron, Black riders, etc).  
  
"I intend to." He replied, storming off.  
  
***  
  
DUN, DUN, DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
What will happen? Will strider get back before the Black Riders do? Will I do anything to help? Will anyone think to pick up a burning stick? Will the Black Riders come at all? Will I ever stop asking these questions? Tune in next time for another exciting chapter!  
  
Oh, and by the way, Please R&R. 


	4. RING WRAITHS!

Chapter 4  
  
"What are you DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I opened my eyes. "Frodo...." I groaned. Then I realised what was happening.  
  
"Tomatoes, sausages, nice crispy bacon!" Merry Grinned  
  
"We saved some for you two, Mr Frodo!" Added Sam.  
  
"PUT IT OUT YOU FOOLS!!!!!!! PUT IT OU...." I covered Frodo's mouth  
  
"Frodo, your screaming is more likely to attract the Black riders than the fire!" I snapped.  
  
A black rider's cry echoed across the valley.  
  
"Nice one, you twit!" I scolded Frodo. He blinked at me, as did everyone else.  
  
"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE! RUN!" I yelled. Grabbing my laptop, I herded the Hobbits up the stairs to the top of Weathertop.  
  
***  
  
"3,2,1." I counted down as the first rider stepped onto the top of the hill.  
  
You know what happens next. Let's just skip to the bit where Frodo's lying on the floor with the ring on. Wraith pulls back sword...  
  
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BOZO!"  
  
The wraith turned round to stare at me.  
  
"IF YOU EVEN TRY TO PUNCTURE THAT HOBBIT, I'LL DO SOMTHING PARTICULLALY NASTY TO YOU!" I yelled. I was hoping Strider would hear and come and give us a hand.  
  
He advanced on me.  
  
"Oh, Elbereth! Matt, you twit!" I groaned. "Heh,heh! Nice ring wraith! Go back and puncture the Hobbit! Pretty please! Go on! Please? STRIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, legging it. 


	5. MARY SUE!

gina: I'm being true to the book because, well, I love the book. I don't want to make fun of it. I don't want to mess with their minds. That would just be cruel, lol!  
  
I'm not using swear words because I want to keep a PG rating. ;-)  
  
And now back to our scheduled feature.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Strider turned up, just as I leapt for one of the archways.  
  
"Ow." We both groaned, jumping up from the floor. I just happened to leap for the archway he was jumping through! Thankfully, he hadn't got he's burning stick yet.  
  
Anyhow, the ring wraith, obviously deciding I wasn't worthy to be killed first, went for Frodo again, and stabbed him in the shoulder, just as strider flung the burning torch at him.  
  
The ring wraith screeched, and fled, followed by the rest, who were screaming in fright, into the darkness.  
  
"AND DON'T COME BACK!" I Yelled. Strider rolled his eyes and went to check on Frodo.  
  
***  
  
5 days later. I was bored, the hobbits were bored, we were all bored. Except Frodo, who just sat in the corner groaning every 5 minutes.  
  
I Sighed. I had to think of something fun to do.  
  
A light bulb was turned on in my head. I opened my laptop and typed "Suddenly, something fell from the sky!"  
  
"Thump!" Someone landed on top of me. I pushed the person off me, looked at who they were, smacked my forehead and groaned.  
  
"Oh Elbereth, please don't let her be a.."  
  
"Hi! I'm Gemma!" Said the teenage girl, REALLY fast. I looked at her. High on sugar, looking round her surroundings as if they were normal and now looking fondly at Strider, who was looking terrified. She began to crawl towards him.  
  
"MARY SUE!!!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled, grabbing my laptop, slinging it in my rucksack and legging it, followed by 3 VERY scared Hobbits, Bill the pony and Strider. I screeched to a halt, dashed back, picked up Frodo, flung him over my shoulder and legged it after the others.  
  
***  
  
"YOU bought that, that, THING here?!?!?!" Screamed Strider.  
  
I smacked my forehead for the umpteenth time and said "Look, I'm sorry! I wanted some action! How was I to know that a Mary Sue was going to land in our camp?"  
  
"YOU JUST SAID YOU "TYPED" INTO YOUR "LAPTOP" THAT SOMETHING SHOULD FALL FROM THE SKY!"  
  
"Well, I was hoping for a good book or something."  
  
"Then why weren't you more specific?!" Groaned the ranger.  
  
"I'm sorry! At least she didn't follow us."  
  
"Please stop! Mr Frodo needs rest!" Snapped Sam.  
  
"Whatever" I replied, glaring at Strider  
  
Strider calmed down and said "Can't you just send it back?"  
  
"Unfortunately, no. Mary Sue's have great powers of survival. Nothing can stop them. You see..."  
  
"So what can we do?" Asked Pippin.  
  
"Nothing. We're doomed to have her following us around for the rest of the story!" I replied, turning round and banging my head on a tree trunk.  
  
***  
  
DUN, DUN, DUN!  
  
Will the Mary Sue catch us up? Will we reach Rivendell safely? Will it be Glorfindel or Arwen who turns up? Will, the ring wraiths catch us? Find out in the next Chapter!  
  
Oh and please R&R! 


	6. Who will it be?

Apologies for the lack of updates recently. I've been on holiday. But now, I'm back at my computer once more!  
  
And so, back to our scheduled feature.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
We walked for a day more until we reached the part of the road where Bilbo Baggins had encountered the trolls (I got some really strange looks when I cried out "Look! William, Tom and Bert!")  
  
I was just wondering who would turn up, Arwen or Glorfindel, when Aragorn suddenly said to Sam "Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?"  
  
"Athelas?"  
  
"Kingsfoil!" Aragorn and I chorused, He gave me a look of death and said to Sam, "Do you know it?"  
  
"Kingsfoil? Aye, that's a weed!"  
  
"It may help to slow the poison." Aragorn and I chorused.  
  
Aragorn looked at me. "Can you tell the future?" He asked in wonder.  
  
I stared at him. "No, I read all about this in a book. Oh, and saw it in a movie!"  
  
"A move e?"  
  
"Oh, never mind!" I was in no mood to explain to them about television!  
  
So, off they went. After about 10 minutes, I was slightly bored of waiting.  
  
Just then, a horse galloped into the clearing. Who was it? It was.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes!" I cried. It was Glorfindel.  
  
***  
  
What will happen now? Will we get to Rivendell? Will I decide to go on the quest? Will I ever do something useful with that laptop? Find out in the next chapter!  
  
Oh, and please R&R! 


	7. Elvish to English translator

I'm really, really sorry! I only just remembered that I had a story going! Please don't hurt me! Ok? Thank you.  
  
yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds: Ok, it will a tiny bit longer!  
  
Jennifer: I've got writers block! Seriously! LOL, no really, glad you're enjoying the story and hope you enjoy the next 3 chapters.  
  
Yes readers! Especially for you, I'm doing 3 chapters today!  
  
Now, back to our scheduled feature.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
"Who are you?" asked the elf, looking down on me with distain.  
  
"Hey! Watch it buddy! Without me, you wouldn't even exist right now!" I snapped.  
  
The elf laughed. "Prove it!" he grinned at me.  
  
"I know that you caught Arwen trying to come and get us and went to tell Elrond!" I grinned triumphantly.  
  
The elf's jaw dropped. "How do you know?"  
  
"I made it happen. With this." I said, holding up the laptop.  
  
Aragorn suddenly started speaking in elvish to Glorfindel, who listened to him with a look of bewilderment on his face.  
  
I had an idea and typed into my laptop, "Suddenly, an "Elvish to English translator" appeared beside me." I picked up the "translator" and recorded what the elf and man were saying. The translation appeared on the screen.  
  
"Strider, I wouldn't call me a "complete and utter moron" again you know. Unless of course you enjoy having your sword disappear every few minutes." I grinned.  
  
Aragorn's eyes nearly popped out. "Goodness, you understand elvish as well? You have a lot to unlearn, young one!"  
  
"I know!" I grinned (I wasn't about to tell him about my little gadget!) "So watch it!" 


	8. Gandalf, Elves and Rivendell

Hey everyone! I'm back with more chaos! But first. (opens laptop and looks at it) YAY! Reviews! LOL  
  
Ok, let's answer your questions!  
  
Tarock: Argh! Don't even think about it! If I lost that laptop.Argh! Just don't mention it again, ok? LOL ;-)  
  
Fiery Moonlight: The Mary Sue is. Well let's not give away the story, huh? What will the elves do if they see her? Oh, probably run away screaming. LOL  
  
Yuhi- thedoerofevildeeds: You want to join in?!?!? Hmmm. Hang on, I'll ask Strider what he thinks...  
  
Sorry, Yuhi, but Strider is now running away screaming because I told him your name. If you cut the "doer of evil deeds" bit out, he MIGHT consider it. LOL ;-)  
  
Ok, I promise this chapter will be longer! In fact, let's cut all the chat, and get started!  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Just then, a rustle in the bushes made us turn around. The Mary Sue rushed out at us! "Ooooooooooooh!" she drooled. "I see elveses!"  
  
"Oh, elbereth! It's Gollum's evil sister!" I cried out in horror.  
  
"Awwwww!" The Mary Sue had noticed Frodo! "Doesn't he look cute, all helpless like that!" She began to move in for the kill.  
  
"What do we do?" Pippin Squeaked.  
  
"I suggest we go into panic mode and run away screaming!" I said.  
  
"Good plan!" Strider nodded.  
  
"Ok, let's go!" I said  
  
"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" We yelled, legging it, Glorfindel scooping up Frodo as his horse galloped away from the mad teenager (that's the Mary sue, not me!).  
  
***  
  
As we stopped in the middle of the road to catch our breath, I realised that we hadn't eaten for 3 days! I pulled what was left of the chocolate from Weathertop out of my rucksack and handed it round. Glorfindel was at first rather suspicious of this strange food, but soon dug in when he'd tasted his first bit!  
  
Just as we got up to start the march on, we heard horsemen behind us.  
  
"The Nazgul!" I cried.  
  
"Glorfindel! Take Frodo and ride fast! Quickly!" Strider snapped.  
  
The elf nodded, bent down and whispered to his horse, and galloped off.  
  
It was at this point, my laptop, conveniently realising I hadn't a clue what happened during this bit, solved the problem for me. I keeled over in dead faint.  
  
***  
  
I awoke in Rivendell, to find a strange old man sat by my bed smoking a pipe.  
  
"Ah!" he smiled. "You must be Aragorn's, 'complete and utter moron'!"  
  
"Oh." I said. "And you're Gandalf, right?"  
  
"Indeed." he replied. "Aragorn's told me of your strange knowledge."  
  
Gandalf puffed a smoke ring out of his pipe and asked me to tell him all I knew of what had happened so far. I told him everything, from Bilbo's birthday to present day.  
  
When I'd finished, the wizard sat back and sighed. "I can't understand it at all." He said. "You know all this and yet you didn't see any of it. You say you read it in a book, but that's impossible! According to you, this book hasn't been written yet. No matter." He stood up. "You're here, and that's all there is to it! We are to have a council tomorrow, and I'm sure they'll all want to hear your story!" He left the room.  
  
***  
  
That evening, I made my appearance at dinner. Rivendell was everything I'd imagined it to be! It was a wonderful place! And the elves, they were very friendly people, even if they did give me some strange looks at first!  
  
The thing about elvish food, is that very little of it can fill a grown man. And if you're not a grown man, it can weigh heavily on the stomach! I remember that after my first meal in Rivendell, I didn't eat again for 2 days!  
  
After dinner, I was walking along a corridor with Pippin, when we came upon Aragorn, looking around as if he'd lost something. He looked up. "Have you two seen my sword anywhere?" He asked. We shook our heads. He stared at me for a moment, then walked off.  
  
"You are going to give it back aren't you?" Asked pippin when he was out of earshot.  
  
"Eventually, yes!" I replied with a grin, thinking of Aragorn's shinning sword hidden under my bed!  
  
***  
  
Phew! Long enough for you? LOL!  
  
Oh, and please R&R! 


	9. The Council of ElZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chapter 9  
  
Next morning, the council of Elrond began. I don't know the exact time, but it did. It was full of stories about how the ring was found, etc, etc, so after a while, I fell asleep.  
  
A while later, I was woken up by Elrond saying ".and now, the most interesting tale yet. Matt, would you please tell us your intriguing story?"  
  
"Ok!" I said and began.  
  
"It all started when I decided to write a story about Lord of the Rings."  
  
***  
  
".. and so, that's how I came to be here!" I finished, looking around the council, most of whom were asleep.  
  
"Thank you for that, erm, interesting account, young one." Elrond said, with a yawn.  
  
"My pleasure." I said, sitting down.  
  
"Now." Elrond continued "We have to decide what we should do with the ring."  
  
And so eventually they decided. The Fellowship was formed and. then I realised something.  
  
"Hang on, hang on, hang on!" I said, interrupting Elrond who was saying, "You shall be the Fellowship of the R."  
  
"What?" Asked Elrond.  
  
"I've got to go too!" I snapped, marching over to the group.  
  
"What?" Elrond looked confused. "Exactly why must you go?"  
  
"Have you not been listening? I'm the AUTHOR of this story! You can't just expect me to end it here! Either I go, or no one goes."  
  
"And how will you stop us exactly?" Snapped Boromir.  
  
"Like this!" I replied, typing something into my laptop.  
  
The entire fellowship suddenly seemed to change.  
  
"I. I don't think I'll go after all." Frodo said.  
  
"Well if Mr Frodo stays, I'm not going!" Sam snapped.  
  
"And I don't have any interest in going either!" Gimli growled. "I'm going to go home!"  
  
"As am I!" Boromir snapped. "I don't know what I was thinking!"  
  
Legolas blinked. "Well, if no one else seems to want to go, then, with the greatest of respect, I'm not going either, Lord Elrond."  
  
One by one, the entire fellowship decided not to go.  
  
Elrond stared at me with a fierce look in his eyes which would have killed me if looks could kill! Then he said "Very well, you shall go." And collapsed into his chair.  
  
"Thankyou!" I grinned and typed "Then the fellowship all decided to go."  
  
***  
  
Hope you all like!  
  
Oh, and please R&R. 


	10. The Mary Sue attacks and the Ring goes S...

Finally an update!  
  
Now, before you all strangle me, let me explain why I haven't updated for so long. Recently, I have applied for a course with the Open University. I was accepted as an under 18 student and I am currently in the middle of a course about mammals. Anyway, because of this, I have not had time to update this story.  
  
But, today I have taken a few minutes out of my busy schedule to write "Chapter 10: the Mary sue attacks and the ring goes south."  
  
Enjoy!  
  
***  
  
Chapter 10  
  
We spent some weeks in Rivendell, preparing for our journey. At least, everyone else did. I just spent my time partying, introducing the elves to chocolate, and trying to get the hobbits interested in music (they particularly enjoyed Phil Collins, though they did ask me to explain what in middle earth the man was on about!).  
  
One night, I was sleeping in my room, when I heard a voice from Aragorn's room.  
  
"My precious!"  
  
I sat up in bed. Gollum! I grabbed my sword and crept out of my room towards Aragorn's....  
  
Wait a minute... if that was Gollum, what the heck was he doing in Aragorn's bedroom? Then it hit me, just as I heard someone say. "He's all mine, my precious!"  
  
"MARY SUE! EVERYONE WAKE UP! MARY SUE!"  
  
I flung open the door. The Mary Sue was stood over Aragorn, who was now cowering in the corner, drooling like a mad dog. I leapt at her and grabbed her by the throat. flinging her across the room. I pulled up Aragorn from the floor and dragged him towards the door.  
  
"You can't run away from me!" The Mary Sue yelled after us, sprinting down the corridor. Suddenly she stopped. "Ooooooooooooooh! I see elves!" She grinned manically at the elven archers, who had arrows fitted to their bows. Aragorn and I dashed past them and ran to wake up Gandalf. He was NOT pleased to see us.  
  
When we got back, we saw the elves turning and fleeing. Gandalf raised his staff and yelled, "Listen, drooling wreak! Fly if you value your life!" The Mary Sue stared at him. "Hey! Shut up old man! I'm trying to catch these cute looking elves!" She grinned, pointing at the trembling elven archers cowering behind me.  
  
"I am a servant of the secret fire! Wielder of the...." Began Gandalf.  
  
"Flame of Anor." I finished. "Gandy, just throw a spell or too at it and let us go back to bed!"  
  
Angrily, Gandalf fired a spell at the Mary Sue.  
  
Nothing Happened.  
  
"Aw, damn!" I commented. I opened my laptop and typed, "Suddenly, the Mary Sue vanished, and ended up somewhere in the Misty Mountains."  
  
The Mary Sue vanished, screaming "I'll be back!"  
  
***  
  
Next morning, the company set out from Rivendell, heading out on our long, dangerous adventure! While the rest were all looking serious, I was running along merrily at the back, singing, "Go south! Where the ring wraiths are! Go south! We can go by car! Go south..."  
  
***  
  
Hope you enjoy! Oh, and please R&R! 


	11. Of big, scary stuff and the doors of Mor...

Hey! Me again! Now, to answer your questions I have received via my E-Mail (Eagle Mail) Service.

Wow, this is a great story! I really think it's going somewhere. So, are you just going to go through the Fellowship of the Ring, or onto the Two Towers and Return of the King? Rocky.

Well, Rock, it's going right through to ROTK. So don't worry! It's gonna be cool!

I just want to ask, when the fellowship breaks up, where would you be? And since u would know about Bormir (spelling?) trying to take the ring, r u going to get along with him at all? Funny story, update soon! Fireymoonlight.

Well fireguy, I guess I'll be deciding where to go! I mean should I go with Frodo or what? Or shall I do all of the journeys? Gotta keep you all guessing! As for Boromir, yeah, we'll get on ok. I mean, we've got to! It's not his fault is it? I blame the evil guy.

Congrats!! Hm, I hope you try to continue sumtime this...month?? Year? decade?? Millenum?? Yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds.

Well, yuhi, I guess this answers you question! Here's a new chapter! Oh, BTW, you will be in the story still, so don't worry. I'll bring you in at some point.

This is really funny! But what happens when the battery of the laptop begins to die?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN! And make it so the Mery Sue finds them again real soon, and she just like apperes out of no where and is right in front of them with her other evil Mary Sue friends! BWA HAHAHA! Persephone's-Child.

Well Phersephone's Kid, if the battery went, the story would finish! So, that is not gonna happen! As for the Mary Sue, you'll find out. BAWAHAHAHAHA!

IS IT GOING TO TAKE U A DECADE TO JUST UPDATE A FEW SHORT CHAPTERS?! WHEN IS THE NEXT CHAPTER COMING?!?  
  
Sorry for the outburst, but I just had to get that off my chest. When are u going to update anyways? This story was amusing to just be abandoned. Reader.

GAH! DON'T KILL ME! PLEASE! Oh wait,. you aren't going to. Well, I'm really sorry, but I've been really busy with work at the moment and haven't had time to update. BUT, today I have written a new chapter! So spare me. Please?

Well, folks, I guess that answers your questions! now, on to the story!

Chapter 11

It was cold. Blooming cold! It was snowing. Oh, and it was cold, let's not forget that.

The hobbits weren't exactly enthusiastic about climbing the mountain, but then, I wasn't too enthusiastic about being caught by the white wizard! I didn't have the heart to tell Gandalf we'd be going through Moria anyway, so I let him get on with it.

"I'm cold!" I moaned. "Anyone bring hot chocolate?"

"What? I tried making that stuff hot, but it melted!" Sam complained.

I sighed. Opening my laptop once more, I typed away and "suddenly 10 flasks of hot chocolate were falling from the sky".

Ten minutes later, everyone was warm again. Except me. I feel the cold...

Several miles later, Legolas (the show off) walked on the snow and heard a "fell voice on the air".

"It's Saruman!" Gandalf and I yelled. Followed shortly afterwards by a rock falling on my head.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! We must turn back!" Cried Aragorn.

"No!" Cried Gandalf

"Yes!" I cried.

Gandalf ignored me and did his yelling at the mountain. This failed, as you know, and the mountain collapsed on us. However, it did get a little calmer. Especially under the snow. When we eventually dug ourselves out, we had an argument about where to go next, which I settled by turning numerous people into other numerous people (for example, Frodo now had a major obsession with his hair, while Legolas was wondering why he had a ring strung around his neck.) Several minutes later, we trudged down the mountain towards the mines of Moria.

"The walls or Moria!" Gimli gasped.

"You don't say!" I mumbled crossly.

We were now coming up towards a big, scary lake. Beside this big, scary lake, was a big, scary mountain. Beside this big, scary mountain was a big, scary Mary Sue. Beside the big, scary Mary Sue...

A BIG, SCARY MARY SUE?!?

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" I yelled, turning the other way. At this point, I was seized by Boromir and Aragorn and dragged unceremoniously towards the big, scary lake, beside the big, scary mountain, beside the big, scary... you get the drift.

"Ooooh! I see hobbitses, and elveses!" The Mary Sue grinned evilly.

Gandalf drew himself up to full height and fired a spell at the Mary Sue.

Nothing happened.

"Ok, I know the Mary Sue's one weakness!" I yelled.

"WHAT?" yelled everyone else.

I put my hand into my rucksack and drew out a bar of chocolate.

"Here, Mary Sue! I have sugar!" I grinned, throwing it at the teenager.

"YIPPEE! SUGAR!" The Mary Sue dashed past us into the darkness.

"Phew!" I sighed.

Gandalf walked towards where he knew the doors to be. He muttered something about Starlight and Moonlight. Then the moon came out from behind the clouds. The doors stood out in the darkness like the sun on a summers day.

Gandalf read the words inscripted above the doors.

"The doors of Durin, lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter."

"What do you suppose that means?" asked Merry.

"It's quite simple. If you a friend you speak the password and the doors will open." Gandalf replied. He cleared hsi throat and prepared to speak.

"The password is melon. Can we go in now?" I asked, as the doors swung open. Everyone stared at me but said nothing.


End file.
